Archive | May 2013

Thoughts at the crossroad

In my life there have been so many times that I have come to a crossroad and now is one of those times. When you are in this place its hard to know exactly where to turn, how to pray, what to write and how to even write it down. Lately within my writing process I have come to a major fork in the road because what I write is all for the ministry God wants me to walk in. At the same time, I have come to the same place I have visited many times deciding whether to run toward the destiny God has for me or run at a cheetah’s pace from it. Any wise person knows that even though a cheetah is considered the fastest animal in the world, it cannot outrun its Creator. My heart knows the direction I must follow but my mind is trapped in the thoughts of wanting to do the opposite because of my overwhelming fear of failure. It seems that in this moment I am like a person running on a treadmill in the wrong direction. I know what it means to be faithful to God, I know what it means to be in a relationship with Him and how important it is. I feel that I have come into a bump in this long winding road. It feels like I’m in a breakup where I’m saying those dreaded words ‘it’s not you it’s me’. I have never felt so lost for the words to say to Him yet I know what I should say. Maybe its not so much a loss of words as it is a will of not wanting to have to repent yet again for the repetitive actions on my part. This cycle has been replayed many times as well as many years. I grow and grow and grow spiritually then take what seems to be a million steps in reverse. To the person who has gotten every part of their spiritual life down pat this type thinking may not be rational. Knowing the way to go but hesitant to take that way, even though its the right way. It’s being hesitant to take the road less traveled in order to be able to make a difference. Pray for those like me in the crossroad. Pray that the road leads me home. Pray that I end this spiritual separation.