Well I’m in the process of seeing how well this really works. So far it’s been about 5 hours and I have generated at least $280. I’ll come back to tell you how it works soon when I see the money. There are so many scams out there offering you the ability to make money while being a stay at home mom. Hopefully this isnt one of them. If you can check it out as well.
In my life there have been so many times that I have come to a crossroad and now is one of those times. When you are in this place its hard to know exactly where to turn, how to pray, what to write and how to even write it down. Lately within my writing process I have come to a major fork in the road because what I write is all for the ministry God wants me to walk in. At the same time, I have come to the same place I have visited many times deciding whether to run toward the destiny God has for me or run at a cheetah’s pace from it. Any wise person knows that even though a cheetah is considered the fastest animal in the world, it cannot outrun its Creator. My heart knows the direction I must follow but my mind is trapped in the thoughts of wanting to do the opposite because of my overwhelming fear of failure. It seems that in this moment I am like a person running on a treadmill in the wrong direction. I know what it means to be faithful to God, I know what it means to be in a relationship with Him and how important it is. I feel that I have come into a bump in this long winding road. It feels like I’m in a breakup where I’m saying those dreaded words ‘it’s not you it’s me’. I have never felt so lost for the words to say to Him yet I know what I should say. Maybe its not so much a loss of words as it is a will of not wanting to have to repent yet again for the repetitive actions on my part. This cycle has been replayed many times as well as many years. I grow and grow and grow spiritually then take what seems to be a million steps in reverse. To the person who has gotten every part of their spiritual life down pat this type thinking may not be rational. Knowing the way to go but hesitant to take that way, even though its the right way. It’s being hesitant to take the road less traveled in order to be able to make a difference. Pray for those like me in the crossroad. Pray that the road leads me home. Pray that I end this spiritual separation.
This morning this song was heavy on my heart. I remember waking up day after day with a broken heart, ready to throw in the towel, well I can say more so ready to throw in my life. I was tired and needed a place of refuge. Psalms 9:9 “The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.” If you are Opressed, Depressed, Supressed, and Need Rest, You need a session with the King. Yes you are worthy to talk to Him, Let Him comfort you. Matthew 11:28 says ” Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Rest is what you are searching for from all of the torment that is going on in your mind. The years of abuse, the years of neglect, the hurt, the shame, the bitterness and resentment is all haunting you and making you unable to sleep at night. Worry is there, Fear is there, taking over your mind and you just want a moment where you can have peace. Peace comes in going to the place of refuge. In Psalms 61:2, David says “From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Meaning, when I get to my lowest and have nowhere else to turn to, no other psychiatrist to talk to or analyze me, someone take me by the hand cause I don’t know how to pray. Cause the words I need to say to God just won’t come out. Lead me to the ROCK, the solid foundation, my strong and powerful King, that is higher and wiser than I. Take me to the King.
People don’t realize that when they judge you they don’t know your story. They don’t know that because you wear skimpy looking clothes to seduce a man, it’s because you feel that’s all you are worth. That you feel codependent on your man beating you because you feel like it’s only tough love because your father did it. They don’t what goes on behind closed doors yet the decide that the book is not worth reading because of what they see on the outside. They don’t see the cuts on your wrists from you trying to numb the pain of your abusive past. They don’t see the number of anti-depresants you have to take from a diagnosis of clinical depression just to have the motivation to get out of bed. This is all too real for women everywhere. Even those that sit next to you on the pew in church. Even those that are in the choir stand singing. Those that are leading praise and worship. Even those that are in the pulpit preaching the gospel. The two pictures don’t add up because we don’t realize how many masks we are wearing to hide it all. It’s time to unveil what’s unerneath and deal with it. Time to come before God naked and unashamed.
Luke 7: 36-50
This story gives an account of how Mary the Sister of Lazarus and Martha anointed Jesus before his death and burial. This story is a story of utmost worship to God in the purest form.. from the heart.
Many people now praise God out of ritual or because that’s what Ive been doing for the longest and now it’s become a habit. So let’s praise God a few seconds and get this over with type people. But then you have those people that could praise God all day every day, They praise him without ceasing, They are the ones you hear the loudest in the service, giving God a radical praise in a traditional setting.
This story can be found in all of the four gospels. And just like everyone giving a different account of any situation, each of the writers give a seperate account according to their own perspective. But my favorite account is in Luke. We find out that this takes place in the home of Simon the Leper. We are not sure if Simon was called that because of the length of time he had leprosy before Jesus healed him or because of way people were treated when they had leprosy. Like out casts. But this name sets him apart from Simon Peter the one who confessed Christ openly.
So they are dinner at Simon the Leper’s house. And in comes Mary and she is holding an albaster box of spikenard oil. Spikenard oil in those days was very expensive and very rare. But Mary had kept this box of oil hidden and store up for a reason, because it was valueable, it was dear to her. Something she held very close and she wanted to use it at the right moment. But this woman with a beautiful gift was being judged as she came on the scene. She was out right called a sinner. Seen as dirty and worthless and no good to the people around her and I can see in my mind them whispering and wondering what she was doing here. I can hear the people saying “She doesnt belong here, how dare she show up here, she doent deserve to be here” And yet she came on and pressed her way through judgemental thoughts and judgemental stares and whispers until she finally came up behind Jesus. She begins to weep and wash his feet with the salty tears that fell, She took her long hair and started wiping the tears as if she was using every bit of life in her to worship Him. She kissed his feet and anointed them with the oil. She poured out everything she had with in her to give Him her best praise, her highest adoration, she humbled herself before him even though she knew who she was and people knew who she was, she didnt care because at this moment it was only them in the room. Nothing or noone mattered at this point. Then one of the Pharisees said within himself…If this man was a prophet he would have known what kind of woman this is that is touching him. How many people do you see in churches today with the idea “It dont take all that”,”She is too loud, She comes to church every Sunday with all that mess”.”We have turned out service and it time to go and she still up there crying and Praising God…Somebody need to go sit her down” All that amounts to is that person carrying a Pharisee spirit.
This is the part that I like right here… Jesus called out this Pharisee by name…The Lord doesnt like it when people are judgemental. Paul even said in these words in 1 Corinthians 6:11 “And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.” So for those who want to judge my praise think about for a second where you came from. I can say this, Yes I am a sinner, A Sinner saved by grace….It was of no goodness of my own but I am saved because God loves me enough to send His son to die for me…Not because I paid so much tithe during the year, not because I put money in the offering plate, not becauseI just simply showed up here at the church Sunday after Sunday, Wednesday after Wednesday but because He saw the best in Me when everyone else turned up their nose smelling the stinch of sin on me. He looks at that judgemental spirit and says Simon, Let me ask you something and I am paraphrasing and Simons says Go ahead, There was a certain creditor that had two people that owed him money. One owed him 500 pence and the other owed him 50 pence. Now we may not know what a pence is directly but we know that 500 is more than fifty. My sin may not have ben equal to your sin and I might have done some worse thngs than youhave done. Then Jesus says…Neither one of them had nothing to pay…Think about this, we couldnt pay the price for our sins Jesus did…He continues saying…He forgave them both, now Simon tell me which one of them will love him the most. And Simon says The one He forgave the most. And Jesus tells him in so many words..You are correct. Then He looks down at Mary and says”You see this woman, I walked into your house and you didnt give me any water for my feet, but she took her tears and her hair and wiped my feet, You didnt give me a kiss when I arrived but this woman from the time I walked through the door has continues to kiss my feet. You didnt anoint my head with oil but she anointed my feet. Now Imma tell you this, her sins are many but they are forgiven because she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves a little”
Jesus said all of that to say this, When the time came you didnt want to open your mouth and you judged others for praising me when they were only showing their love for me…There was a time when you didnt even wanna go through the ritual to Praise me, You sat still and looked and “observed” Everybody else making your own little judgement and saying who was supposed to be doing what and saying she needs to sit down..but there is someone out there who’s gonna praise me for me and not for blessings. There is someone that is gonna seek a relationship with me instead of seeking their own selfish needs.
For those of you who are not ashamed to Praise God this is for you…You;ve done like Hannah and Mary and poured your soul out to God and given him all of you through your praise and your worship. You didnt worry about who was looking at you, You didnt worry about who was sitting beside you, You didnt worry about those beaty eyes that were looking at you. God is about to confuse your enemy. Jesus looked at Mary and said “Your sins are forgive you” and the people that were around were looking confused and said “Who is he that he can forgive sins also” Then He looked at Mary and said Your faith has saved you….Saved Meaning to rescue from danger or possible harm, injury, or loss,to keep from being lost, deliverance from the power and penalty of sin; redemption. ….Jesus was saying to Mary, just because you believed in Me, I’m going to protect you,(He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty) I’m going to keep your enemies from speaking harm to you (No Weapon that Is formed against you shall prosper), I’m going to keep you from being lost or being effect by a loss in any area of your life (No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly) and He’s gonna deliver you from the power and penalty of sin (Whom the son sets free is free indeed) All of this comes from your faith. Then He tells her this, Go in Peace (He will keep those in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him) You have benefitted from giving God the praise. So those that wanna judge let them judge. Those who wanna stare let them stare,. Those that wanna talk let them talk but I’m benefitting from my praise…Look at your neighbor and say Neighbor, You can judge, How I look,You can judge what I say, You can judge who I hang around but by all Means Dont judge my praise!!”
One thing people fail to realize is that your testimony is a vital part of all you have gone through. It signifies that you have recognized God in your victory even through a traumatic past. If you are in court, when you swear in to testify in a case you have to promise to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. The same with your testimony to the world. It is to be truthful, nothing added. The more you add sometimes it gives the testimony a dulled response. Also, you want to make sure you censor those things that need be. Again, sometimes you can add too much information. During this journey of writing my book, I have learned that through the testimonies I write in it, that this is to help someone who has been through a similar experience I have been through with sexual abuse or abuse of any kind. Now that I see the healing that God has given me, the rest is just part of my story. It was a painful story, a tedious life but the victory was even sweeter.